How not to get a job...

Over the past ten years, I have often been faced with the task of recruiting new staff members for my place of employment. Consequently over the past ten years I have been charged with the task of reviewing and screening resumes and I've got to be honest... it never ceases to amaze me what people submit.

So I thought I would do a little service to the web by posting a little list of what to do if you do NOT want to get hired. Here goes!

1. When emailing your resume, remember to leave the file name EXACTLY how you initially set it up. Examples: "new, new resume" "resume for crappy job" Employers love this.

2. After seeing a position posted on a job board, that says, "Now hiring", be sure to send an email to the company stating that you saw the ad, and inquiring as to whether they are hiring. Because you know, tons of companies just post want ads randomly, for fun.

3. Be sure use terms to describe made up self-describing characteristics, like "biliteral" after bilingual.

4. If you are already employed by a company, have been through their training, but ignore their email alerts informing you of new assignment opportunities, be sure to apply again as if you had never heard of the company. That doesn't make you look crazy at all.

5. In response to an employment ad, it is always a good idea to send an email to the employer, stating that you have some questions that you would like answered about the position, but don't include your questions. Most employers are psychic anyway you know.

6. Employers love it when you ignore implicit directions. Like if they say, be sure to include a cover letter with your resume, in order to be considered, and if you JUST send the resume, it shows you really care to do the very least.

7. Sending a resume that shows no prior experience, training or education at all in the field in which you are applying to work in, AND excluding a cover letter, which might give an employer the slightest inkling as to why you are a match for the position- well, that is just awesome.

8. Sending a resume that states you have "excelnt writin communicashun skillz", well, THAT does send a message clearly...

I really, really wish I did not need to come up with this list. However, this year's recruiting adventure thus far insisted upon it.

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