Word of the Year: 2015

A little over 3 years ago now, I went through the toughest year of my life. If you read my blog back then, you likely remember most of the major details. If not, I'll recap with great brevity: I lost two pregnancies, one that resulted in a required surgery that resulted in a post-op infection and sepsis, followed by hospitalization. 2 weeks later, I was hit by a red light runner at 55mph, sustained injuries and my car was totaled. During this time, my mortgage suddenly rose without explanation and we felt we had no choice but to move. A few short months later, the company I had worked for for the last 5 years was to be dissolved. This period of time felt like an endless pattern of left hooks and gut punches, and each time I thought they'd take me down and I'd stop getting back up. I wanted to stay in my bed and hide, but as a mom and person who still (at that point) had a job to do, that of course wasn't an option. I found the quote, that has since become my favorite: "In the midst of winter I found in me an endless summer." I decided I would grit my teeth and just bear out the rest of the year, bracing myself and aiming straight ahead. Grit and survival were my only real focus.


The following year, I was able to begin to breath again. Life evened out a bit - my car of course was replaced, thanks to insurance. We moved into a home that I now love far more than I ever loved our first (and at a far more affordable price). I found a new job, which I've grown into rather well I think, and I can use my strengths in. But, I still lived in fear. For every good thing that happened, I expected the next thing to be bad. I couldn't accept that more than one good thing could happen in a row. It was too scary to assume things were really better. So, I decided to adopt a new motto: Grace. If I was still on this Earth, despite the two chances I'd had to leave it the previous year - I'd better be a bit more gracious with others. Less impatience. Less judgment. Less attempting to convince others that I'm right and they're not. So I worked on that all year, and my relationships with others seemed to really grow. Family relationships and friendships strengthened. After all, flowers grow where they are watered.

Last year, life continued to feel good. Steady. Even. Calm. Good things happened. I had developed strong bonds with friends and close family. I began to believe that perhaps it was ok to believe life was in fact good again. I decided to focus on gratitude, and I truly did. I was grateful each day to wake up. Grateful for each person in my life. Grateful for my job. Grateful for a reliable car. All the things you count on - being reliable - I was so grateful, I'd cry like a baby over it in my car alone sometimes. I finally felt like I was really alive again and maybe deserved to be.

That brings me to this year. This year I want to recognize how quickly time passes and simply enjoy my life. There are people close to me who are going through their grit year right now. (Or grit couple of years). I want to be there for them, while also recognizing that this is thankfully not my grit year (so far), so I have to be thankful for this happy phase of my life and truly enjoy it, because if I don't stop to do that, I could miss it! I don't want to waste the best days of my life worrying. So this year, I'm going to focus on enjoying all of the good moments and being fully present in them. I'm going to seek out opportunities to feel alive and joyful and bring joy to others and be a support to those struggling to find joy in their own lives.

 And, one thing I really enjoy is blogging for me, on my personal blog - so I'm going to be doing that more this year, too.

2 comments:

  1. yay, blog more! i loved this post!

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  2. First of all, I love this and I love you. This was written from such an honest place and I'm so looking forward to more "blogging for me"! Not that I don't adore and appreciate all things fashion and beauty and awesome reviews -- I've gleaned so much from you in that arena and also you know very well I would make a home in your makeup collection and be happy there forever. But this post was just raw and pure and wonderful of you to share.

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